16 bryant just got so much better!

with the advent of izzie "wizzie" izabelle schaffnit-zeigler (back in july) and the three most awesome boys ever moving downstairs (brian, will and dylan)! armed with our new dvd projector for cold winter nights, fun times are ahead.

16 bryant needs a new broom.

there is truth in the title. though this post will not be about brooms that matt has had since college. instead it will tell the tale of the last few days, concerning roxie pup. early monday morning, luke left for work and pete decided to stay home. shortly after luke left for work, pete and i, laura, discovered a huge bulbous tick on the back of roxie's neck. i pinched said tick in a paper towel and ripped it off her, it's head making a pop noise as it was torn from the body. now is when i decided to give roxie her monthly dose of flea and tick goo. pete and i then took a trip to the local salv, will came over, and i left for work. upon leaving work a few hours later, i got a call from luke. "did you hear about roxie?", "no, what happened?!?", "blah blah blah, slow slow slow" luke told me the slowest version of this story ever as i was freaking out in my car:

roxie started drooling protrusively, pete and will put her outside, and then she started foaming at the mouth, and wouldn't open her mouth for them to see inside. after about an hour and a half of the situation not getting better, they took her to the vet. at the vet, she tried to eat one of the doctors, and wouldn't let them look in her mouth so they had to knock her out. while in the waiting room, pete and will were heckled by freaks. one man who owned 3+ pitbulls (aparently theres a dog fighting problem in the heights) and wanted to breed roxie. and another saying she had rabies.

fast foward, $300 later, they gave us 3 packs of pills to feed her, i think because they didn't know what she had an allergic reaction to. but as it turns out, she licked the flea and tick goo because i put it too far down on her back. yes, i poisoned my own dog. all of the pills must be administered anally (just kidding!) at different times of the day. one of the packs reads: "give 1 tab 2x daily for 3 days, then 1/2 tab 2x daily for 3 days, then 1/2 tab 1x daily for 3 days, then 1/2 tab once daily every other day. start 4/15/08." apparently you have to be a PhD grad to own a dog. the pills make roxie tired, which is kinda nice. on tuesday i called out of work and took her over to the vintage store where she chewed up a broken hanger and stepped all over all the unpriced clothes. thismorning, she woke me up at 7:30 am clawing at my face and being really annoying. i asked her if she had to go out and when i sat up she ran to the door. i had to pee before going outside and roxie came into the bathroom with me, as always. she sat on the floor and stared up at me. i noticed her shaking for a good 3 seconds, and she turned to the door AND PEED ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so, i threw some paper towels on it, ran downstairs with her, where she almost ran into the bryant's open door (the actual last name of the people who live downstairs, is bryant. on bryant street. awesome.) anyway, roxie did diarrhea outside, and kicked it. i went to pick it up and the bag had a huge hole in it. i came inside, cleaned up the pee, and ran back out with another unripped bag. UGH.

now roxie is back to her old self, farting as she jumps up onto her couch. yes, she has her own couch. the end. (video of roxie drooling soon to come)

"happiness is a warm gun!"

in honor of charlton heston's passing (yea right) we here at 16 bryant decided to take a nice sunday morning outing. i don't even know what to write about it, the entire experience was breath taking. i, Laura, discovered that really like shooting shotguns! who doesn't?!? i however DO NOT CONDONE HUNTING IN ANY WAY! but shooting clay pigeons is exhilarating. kirsten said i must have been annie oakley in another life. i like that. enough about me, here are some pictures. and a video.

michael jackson party

it's pretty rediculous that we never blogged about the MJ party. i think everyone was over it as soon as it was over (even though it was fucking awesome!!). it was the highest concentration of people to ever be recorded inside 16 bryant, which as always, warrants good aspects and bad. tom and sari maher actually showed up, IN FULL COSTUME! that was wonderful. kirsten made pete smoores cupcakes and they were delicious. roxie dressed up and was the star of the show, pete had a few hot sexy costume changes, and we saw a lot of people we haven't seen in a long time. BUT the awesome engrish confetti poppers we bought at the dollar store (key word here) STAINED THE WOOD FLOORS! me and kirsten (and drunk pete) spent most of the latter part of the night spot scrubbing the floors with bleach. meanwhile, whilst everyone was getting bleach and alcohol poisoning, a fight broke out! (i won't go into detail) needless to say it was a success, just a little stressful. i'll leave the party throwing to kirsten. here are some pictures.

being sick at 16 bryant...

being sick at 16 bryant kinda sucks. i'm not gonna lie. sure theres roxie pup to entertain. and the computer, and digital cable. but mostly i've just been moping around, slowly going blind from staring at the computer screen all day.

today was different. i went to watch a class at my new job, and sniffled and coughed the entire time. little kids tried climbing all over me and i screamed, "no! i'm sick!" my new boss heckled me for coming in sick and i drove home miserable. roxie annoyed me like always, constantly bringing me her toys and climbing all over the computer chair. i'm a bored mother when i don't feel good, pale in comparison to the bumpasses and my house full of screaming people. i took her out for a walk and came back. before i was even able to take her leash off the doorbell rang. there was a big black car in the driveway and i was scared. i said "who is it?" on the intercom and there was no answer, just another ring. i took roxie with me to answer the door, AND THERE WAS BRIAN BELL WITH A BOWL OF SOUP AND MANGO TEA!! (girls, this ones golden!) boy was i excited. so now i'm enjoying a hearty bowl of minestrone, rice with broccoli and mango tea. and my spirits are lifted.

being sick at 16 bryant can be good!

-Laura

p.s.-

pete just called a going out outfit, a goinoutfit.

pure genius.

AND HE JUST TOLD ME HE GOT GROPED BY A MAN IN A CLUB!

pete's arrival

well pete came home from florida today, all burned up and red as a plum. bearing gifts such as "seld-adhesive stylish mustaches" one for each day of the week! so we took him to the diner so he could dish about his vacation filled with whores and red necks. whilst dining, we heard loud thuds coming from a booth in the corner, where there were a few latinas and a tiny latinito! (baby latino boy). across the room was a booth full of seemingly harmless old lady's (looks are deceiving). turns out the baby was the one beating on the table, and screaming, while the old lady's lurk from the opposite corner.
right then we heard: "excuse me, is someone banging on the table or something?" from the oldster table. no response. a few seconds later: "can you make him stop? if he can't behave he should be told!" (or something retarded like that) just then one of the latinas shouted, "i don't complain when you can't drive! go break a hip or somethin!" a few seconds later the lovely old women get up and walk out (or so we thought) and the latina screams "hope you break your leg!" the whole while we were laughing hysterically and enjoying the antics. after mocking the entire spectacle for a good 30 minutes, we walked to the register to pay for our meal and who but the old ladies are sitting in a booth next to the window! THEY ACTUALLY MOVED TO GET AWAY FROM THE BABY!! moral of the story: old ladies are afraid of babies. and pete is home. aah, the joys of jersey city.

-Laura

....... and sometimes the worst things must come to an end.

Well lovie-dovies. Seems like another adventure has come to an end and soon enough I will be within the hot, sweaty, drab, insane, wife-beating, heart-braking, sista-fisting, child abusing, bong-hitting, high pace, tense, insane and dare I say loving walls that surround this little oasis I like to refer to as 16 Bryant ave (apt 2,,,, I think). This is the 6th day i woke up away from this little dream house and I am in serious need of all that makes her the 16 B-A we all need. I will have stories about my adventure, but this blog is about nothin else, other then 16 Bryant so it is out of line for me to post about anything other then that. So here, at 9AM, I sit in a room filled with bottles, young people, sunburn and sweat (yey Florida) dreaming of my beautiful 16 Bryant ave. With that, I will be doing all I can to be upon your poorly finished hardwood flooring soon enough.

with that I leave you with the best thing a Dr. has ever told me.

THIS IS GOING TO BE A BIT UNCOMFORTABLE, YOU MIGHT WANT TO GRAB ONTO THE SIDE OF THE BED AND SQUEEZE

with love, lust and total lack of relaxation

-Pete (iron man)

saturday night! yea yea!!

so we had 7 bottles of wine to finish and the night was still young! kirsten somehow found a "tune your ukelele" section on the menu of "the jerk" dvd. chris dracula came over with some friends and we went crazy. pete dressed up like iron man, roxie nibbled on hands, luke was his normal vulgar, hilarious, non-drinking self. we called robbie a. (kiki's dad) and sang him a happy birthday ukulele song. i drank an entire bottle of white wine!!! (and ended up crying for stupid reasons). and matt had a gorgeous lady over.

saturday was cooler than friday.

kirsten went to her grandmother's 80th birthday party, and luke and i went on a true adventure! first downtown to wonder bagel and staples. luke decided he wasn't ready to go back home. for some reason we started talking about dave and dani, and he got really excited about getting them a life size rubber fist from a porn shop! then it was off to "romantic depot" in hoboken. as soon as we got into hoboken i almost ran over a squad of ugly beats wearing matching outfits. we pulled onto washington street as we were laughing about how much we hate hoboken yuppies, and low and behold, we drove right into THE SAINT PATTY'S DAY PARADE!! two things i HATE the most in this world, guidos and irish memorabilia!!! luckily we found a parking spot right outside the r.d. where we got heckled by guidos while walking in and everything was way over priced. on the way back home, for reasons i don't recall, we ended up at at target. which is right next to staples where this whole whirlwind started. in target i witnessed a few dirt bags threatening their children with beatings. somehow we ended up back home that night. kirsten arrived with a CASE of wine from the party and learned how to play happy birfday on the uke while she was there! you can just imagine how the rest of the night went.
we teased our hair!(i don't remember why)

leap year day, "the day that didnt exist" (according to kirsten)

ah, where do i start? this weekend was a rather eventful one at 16 bryant. on friday kirsten came over early so we could go to american apparel in hoboken. (and meet a black friend and do a few more things) after a.a. we sat in starbucks for a good hour watching stupid yuppies on the street (we also spotted IAN and his beard!) we probably saw 3 black people total while we were sitting there, and none of them wanted to be our friends. so when we realized our parking meter time was up, we walked back to my car, only to discover the battery was dead and it wouldn't start. as some of you know, both kirsten and i have slight anxiety problems when it comes to talking to new people. so after a few sorry attempts at asking for help, and a lot of phone calls to friends who were at work, we decided it would be best for me to stand in the street, jumper cables in hand, and hope for a good samaritan to stop and offer us help. this actually worked. a minivan carrying a stout chubby man of latino decent pulled over! the man rolled down his window and yelled "you need a jump? lemme see you jump." and i giggled and jumped like the stupid ass i am. fast forward, he jumped my car. it took us an hr to get home (about 5 miles) and we harassed minha on the phone the entire time. when we got home, we had a delectable meal of grilled cheese and red wine (pete, get jealous.) luke came home, pete came home. we drank a lot (red bull/ vodka, my new favorite drink), defiled kiki's barbie coloring book, ben and eric came over. me and kirsten can'r really remember what else happened. technically it doesn't matter cause leap year day is a fake day anyway.

Little ditty 'bout 16 bryant

Dear 16 Bryant blog. Kirsten just stopped hick-uping. YEY, life has gotten better and i still feel bad about killing her with a pillow 3 times. it wasn't so bad- says kirsten... drinking water upside down doesnt do shit let me tell you. all it does it is get water up your nose. being smothered with a pillow might help, but really they just got away when they want to, being smothered though, might just be the funniestpart of the hiccups. HICCUPS themselves are NOT a laughing matter. They are deadly and dangerous and can seriously mess some sick convos and gnarly movies.I agree completely, says pete, truely a sad and upsetting condition. I never felt quite as sad as I did watching this completely capable person be grounded and studded by the improper functioning of the most important muscle in her body,,, of corse I mean her breathing diafragm. Yes I admit I tried stunting her breath via pillow. This is known as smothering the issue, and I am not proud of this attempt in the least. I was scared of the horrible outcome that was the obvious possibility of the patient not waking from her hickup ridden situation (aka, she could die). we also found out that hitting your upper abdominals wiht a bowling ball repedly will also not help this issue. Gladly the problem was remedied. Now we can go back to the simple and obvious problems that plague anyone in their early mid twenties on a chilly and alcho-riden saturday night.

this is what happens in 16 Bryant ave.


-Pete / Kirsten

Smile your traveling......to 16 Bryant

So I only speak the truth. I live a normal life, but am fortunate to have some amazing stories as these. So in my travels from my work place (midtown Manhattan) to this lovely dwelling I encountered these two great tails. What makes it more amazing is that they both happened in the same work week.

The first - Tuesday Feb 25, 2008

I am standing on the 23rd Street path station platform. It is about 6:00 PM, the top of the commuting hour. As most people, though they will never admit it, I am surveying the crowd. Combing over the masses to see who is around, admiring the pretty and keeping curious as to what some people are carrying and wondering what some people are listening to through their respective headphones. As I continue to survey my crowd I notice one specific person. This man was obviously homeless, looked older, but then against living on the streets is hard on the youngest of people. I quickly notice that he seems to be adjusting his pants yet slightly violently. I soon realize (within seconds) that he is pleasuring himself, through his pocket. I didn't find this immediately offensive or humorous. We were in his home most likely and I never mean to intrude. He continued to go at it quite seriously, staring at nothing in particular, just across the platform at a soot covered wall. What makes my tale so wonderful to me is the people to this gentleman's left and right. He was going at a pace that had no thought to his neighbors but his fellow inhabitants of the platform. They were trying so hard and desperately to look like they didn't notice this man. They looked straight and strong as if there was nothing there, like they really liked what they were reading, like they didn't notice a homeless man enjoying his version of a night alone.


The Second - Thursday Reb 27, 2008

Yet another path story. I am on the path train, would be safe to say around 6:45. I am standing on the train once again surveying my crowd, all standing there, the extras in the movie of my life. I notice this one person, a younger guy, most likely in his late 20's staring at his iPod and looking suspiciously around the train car. He had an embarrassed look upon his face, so scared and timid with his motions, completely as if he was hiding something. He continues to glance at the rest of the car every couple of minutes. I managed to slowly move myself into position to see his screen as I pretend to read from my copy of The New York Times (arts section as I mask it with the business section). I glance down and notice something I didn't expect. This completely embarrassed and scared looking man is watching.........the Oprah Winfrey show.


These are the stories that bring me home.

-Pete

16 bryant is haunted.

there is no doubt that there are strange supernatural forces at work in this apartment. first of all pete has been waking up in the middle of the night to a strange man in his room. first playing an acoustic guitar and then standing in the corner by his closet (on the floor of which, roxie shat). in addition to this, i have been having really crazy dreams! i am usually a quite boring dreamer. but a few nights ago, after playing dr. mario through an entire 4 hrs of the oscars, i had a dream i was in a video game and couldn't get out. then a few nights after that i had a dream that luke asked me to marry him infront of all of our friends, in brian bell's apartment, which was actually the cave, and gave me this really weird/ugly hi-tech ring and no one was excited!! last night i had a dream that he was a purple dragon and one that was just all out crazy. luke had a dream that i was lesbian. i'm not sure if that dream was good or bad.
-Laura

The Wheelie King

This is the wheelie king, one of many things that happens when we're bored here at 16 Bryant.

last night luke spayed lime juice in pete's eye. not entirely on purpose, he was aiming for his mouth. but the pressure of the juice waiting to escape that little plastic lime was just too great, and it rick-o'-shaed off pete's teeth, and up into his eyeballs. pete started screaming and threw himself on the floor, roxie was licking his face in concern, and matt ran out of his room. all the while everyone was laughing hysterically. blindness is so funny. sorry we didn't get that one on tape.

-Laura